Working late is a great cover for a spouse who is having an affair. If your spouse suddenly has to work late after years of coming home at a certain time then I would say it is safe to be suspicious that something other than work is going on.
Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage—neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated—that interferes with his or her ability to. While many people are blindsided if and when they find out about a spouse or partner cheating, others may suspect it because of actions that.
Work related excuses are a good way to account for large blocks of time away from home. Below are some behaviors that should cause you to pay attention to what is going on in your marriage. When it comes to figuring out whether your spouse is cheating all you need is your own sense of intuition. No one knows your spouse and their work habits better than you. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.
If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed. Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records. Missing time they can't explain. Money that isn't accounted for.
Receipts for things you don't have. Missing clothing. Clothing that does not belong to your family. Being caught in little lies about the details of the day. If you find yourself looking for excuses for your spouse's behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a warning sign.
Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies. It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also. Infidelity doesn't mean your marriage must come to an end. Trust has been lost, the betrayal is emotionally painful but, if there is a good foundation and friendship, you can save your marriage.
Then commit to uphold the standards. Evaluate which positive micro-behaviors you have stopped doing within your relationship and return to the micro-behaviors you carried out early on with your spouse. Explain that you may need to strengthen your marriage so that neither of you are tempted to get your emotional needs met outside the marriage relationship. Within a marriage relationship honor, value and great communication should be front and center.
Stopping micro-cheating behaviors and adding back in loving micro-behaviors will most likely strengthen your marriage. How strong is your marriage? Find out today with the Focus on Marriage Assessment. This reliable assessment is based on the research and experience of Focus on the Family's marriage experts Dr.
Greg and Erin Smalley. Take this free assessment now.
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Build your friendship with your spouse and you may be amazed at the romantic spark that is reignited when your husband or wife becomes your best friend. What could happen if couples embraced their marriage as being "good enough" —being satisfied with love and sharing a life-long friendship, where spouses treat each other with respect and kindness?
Affective behaviors are how we deal with emotions that we do not anticipate. An affective response immediately indicates to an individual whether something is pleasant or unpleasant and whether they decide to approach or avoid a situation. To begin, affective emotions and the effect infidelity has on affective jealousy. Both men and women alike feel some kind of jealousy when they suspect their significant other is being unfaithful.
Why I Cheated On My Husband
If some individual suspects that he or she is being cheated on they begin to question their partner's actions and may possibly act in more frustrated ways towards them than they normally would. The affective use of jealousy in a seemingly unfaithful relationship is caused by the accusing partner anticipating the infidelity from the other. Another affective emotion in this beginning stage is incompetence. Feeling incompetent can spring from multiple things in a relationship, but during the initial stages of infidelity, a person can experience this on an increased level.
When someone is having incompetent feelings due to someone else's actions they begin to resent them, creating a build-up and eventually an affective emotion outburst over something small. The faithful partner is not normally aware that their suspicion is the reason they feel incompetent in the relationship and do not expect to be so irritated by the change of simple things; making it an affective response in this stage of infidelity. An additional affective response or emotion seen in initial infidelity is anger. Anger is an emotion that is felt in all stages of infidelity, but in different ways and at different calibers.
In the initial stages of infidelity anger is an underlying emotion that is usually exposed after the buildup of other emotions such as jealousy and Resentment. Anger is noticed to be a key emotion within a situation like infidelity, it takes on many roles and forms throughout the process but in the initial stage of cheating, anger can be an affective emotion because of how unpredictable and rapid it can happen without thinking of one's actions and feelings before doing so.
Are you seeing any of these behaviors in your spouse?
Cognitive emotions and states tend to be felt in the initial stages of infidelity whenever the faithful partner is alone or left alone by the suspected unfaithful one. Cognitive emotions and responses are that of those in which an individual anticipates them. To begin with cognitive responses in infidelity, individuals who have been cheated on experience jealousy cognitively for many reasons.
They may feel that their partner has lost interest in them and feel that they cannot compare to the persons with whom they are being cheated on with.
Cheating Spouse Quotes
Therefore, they anticipate the loss of their partner's emotional interest in them and become jealous for more clear reasons. The anticipation of jealous feelings towards an individual's significant other causes a cognitive response, even without the burden of proof. Some more cognitive responses in the young stages of infidelity are incompetence and resentfulness. In the initial stages of infidelity, the feeling of incompetence can lead to cognitive resentment. The partner being cheated on will begin to feel that anything and everything they do is not enough, they may feel incompetent in the ways of love, affection, or sex.
Whenever an individual suspects that they are being cheated on they try to change their behavior in hopes of keeping or getting their partner's attention back onto themselves instead of on the person whom they are having another relationship with. People cheat for many reasons and each of those can cause a faithful person to believe they are not competent enough to be in a romantic relationship.
This feeling leads to the resentment of the unfaithful partner's actions and becomes an ongoing emotion throughout the stages of infidelity instead of simply being a quick and immediate response to a partner's actions. Lastly, anger in infidelity is quite inevitable. In the initial stage of infidelity, anger is not as apparent as it is seen in stage two, because there is not hard facts or evidence supporting one's suspicions.
As previously talked about, the accuser most likely feels jealous and incompetent in the first stage of cheating. These emotions can contract into anger and provide a cognitive state of anger because the accusing person anticipates his or her anger. Unlike jealousy and resentment, it is hard to identify the purpose or cause of the individual's anger because in reality there is nothing yet to be angry about, there is no proof of their romantic partner's unfaithfulness. It is hard to pinpoint the anger emotion in the initial stages due to ambiguity; therefore, it begins to take on other emotions turning into a cognitive state of emotional turmoil.
The individual knows they are angry and anticipates it, but cannot logically explain it to their partner because of the lack of evidence they have. Infidelity, perhaps the worst relational crime, is defined as the action or state of being unfaithful to a romantic partner. The victim of the crime can experience long-lasting emotional damage as a result.
Relationships give people a sense of belongingness and contributes to self-esteem. According to the Attachment theory , intimates develop mental representations of the availability of close others that lead to strong cognitive and behavioral patterns of responding to those others. Those who develop a more secure attachment style believe others are available to them and behave accordingly, those who develop an insecure attachment tend to believe others are less available to them and behave accordingly.
Those types of people cope by seeking reassurance and clinging themselves to another person.
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These types of insecurity can be related to marital infidelity. The effects of your partner's unfaithfulness can cause an emotional trauma.
It is a painful experience that only creates negative emotional effect s. Gender self-esteem greatly affects infidelity. The cause of these different jealousy's have developed over time due to evolutionary changes. A study was conducted to determine if men and women actually base their self-esteem on different contingencies. There were a total of 65 participants, 33 men and 32 women. They were asked questions regarding their self-worth and told to answer them on a scale of importance to them.
The study did indeed prove their hypothesis. It proved that sex was more relevant to men than to women and being in a healthy emotional relationship was more important to women than to men. Those who are cheated on experience a great amount of anxiety, stress and depression. Shrout was among researchers who conducted a study based on the hypothesis that people experiencing those emotions because of an infidelity are more likely to engage in activities that are a health risk. The experiment Shrout and her colleagues conducted validated their hypothesis, showing a direct link between emotions caused by infidelity and an increase in dangerous behaviors.
Being cheated on seems to not only to have mental health consequences, but also increases risky behaviors. The study examined the link between the emotional distress caused by infidelity and health-compromising behaviors, perception of blame and self-esteem, and the differences in the reactions of men and women. Not only did they prove the connection between the distress and risky behavior, but they also found that those who blamed themselves for their partners unfaithfulness were also more like to participate in risky behavior.
The researchers proved the more distress you feel the more likely the individual is to take part in unhealthy acts and the more the victim blamed themselves the more distress they experienced. Shrout's study concluded that women who experienced negative appraisals, like self-blame and causal attribution, led to emotional distress and increased health-compromising behavior. However, women are more affected than men. This is due perception; women perceive relationships as more of a priority and are usually more emotionally attached.
Shrout and her team in Reno's initial hypothesis was proven: not only do victims of infidelity experience emotional trauma, but that trauma leads to more risky actions or behaviors. In addition to the behaviors first examined, such as depriving themselves of food and nutrients, consuming alcohol or using drugs more often, increased sexual activity, having sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol or over-exercising, people also felt a loss of trust that expands beyond romantic relationships.
Victims can become strained from their family members. Several emotions are present after the act of infidelity. Jealousy is a common emotion after infidelity. The definition of jealousy is the feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship or losing something or someone's attention.
Individual differences were predictors of jealousy, which differed for men and women. Predictors for men were sex drive, attachment avoidance and previous acts of infidelity. Predictors for women were sex drive and relationship status. Attachment and sexual motivations likely influence the evolved jealousy mechanism. Men responded with greater self-reported jealousy and psychological distress when imagining their partner in Extra-pair copulation , whereas, women were more upset by the thoughts of an emotionally unfaithful partner.
Group differences were also found, with women responding with stronger emotions to emotional and sexual infidelity than men. Heterosexuals valued emotional and sexual infidelity as more emotionally draining than homosexuals individuals did. Summarizing the findings from studies, heterosexual men seem to be more distressed by sexual infidelity than heterosexual women, lesbian women, and gay men. After infidelity stress was present. The imbalance causes jealousy in unfaithful relationships and jealousy remained after the relationship concluded. Women displayed an insecure long-term mating response.
Lack of self-worth is evident after the infidelity in the daily life and involvement. Studies have found that men are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied sexually, while women are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally.
Little acts of kindness
Anthropologists tend to believe humans are neither completely monogamous nor completely polygamous. Anthropologist Bobbi Low says we are "slightly polygamous"; while Deborah Blum believes we are "ambiguously monogamous," and slowly moving away from the polygamous habits of our evolutionary ancestors. According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, there are numerous psychological reasons for adultery. Some people may want to supplement a marriage, solve a sex problem, gather more attention, seek revenge, or have more excitement in the marriage.
But based on Fisher's research, there also is a biological side to adultery. Often, gender differences in both jealousy and infidelity are attributable to cultural factors. This variation stems from the fact that societies differ in how they view extramarital affairs and jealousy. Therefore, when an individual feels jealousy towards another, it is usually because they are now sharing their primary source of attention and satisfaction.
However, variation can be seen when identifying the behaviors and actions that betray the role of primary attention satisfaction giver. For instance, in certain cultures if an individual goes out with another of the opposite gender, emotions of intense jealousy can result; however, in other cultures, this behavior is perfectly acceptable and is not given much thought. It is important to understand where these cultural variations come from and how they root themselves into differing perceptions of infidelity. While many cultures report infidelity as wrong and admonish it, some are more tolerant of such behaviour.
These views are generally linked to the overall liberal nature of the society. For instance, Danish society is viewed as more liberal than many other cultures, and as such, have correlating liberal views on infidelity and extramarital affairs. In Danish society, having sex does not necessarily imply a deep emotional attachment.
As a result, infidelity does not carry such a severe negative connotation. The cultural difference is most likely due to the more restrictive nature of Chinese society, thus, making infidelity a more salient concern. Sexual promiscuity is more prominent in the United States, thus it follows that American society is more preoccupied with infidelity than Chinese society. Even within Christianity in the United States , there are discrepancies as to how extramarital affairs are viewed.
For instance, Protestants and Catholics do not view infidelity with equal severity. The conception of marriage is also markedly different; while in Roman Catholicism marriage is seen as an indissoluble sacramental bond and does not permit divorce even in cases of infidelity, most Protestant denominations allow for divorce and remarriage for infidelity or other reasons. Ultimately, it was seen that adults that associated with a religion any denomination were found to view infidelity as much more distressing than those who were not affiliated with a religion. Those that participated more heavily in their religions were even more conservative in their views on infidelity.
Some research has also suggested that being African American has a positive correlation to infidelity, even when education attainment is controlled for. For example, Schmitt discusses how tribal cultures with higher pathogen stress are more likely to have polygynous marriage systems; whereas monogamous mating systems usually have relatively lower high-pathogen environments. Strategic pluralism is a theory that focuses on how environmental factors influence mating strategies. According to this theory, when people live within environments that are demanding and stressful, the need for bi-parental care is greater for increasing the survival of offspring.
Correspondingly, monogamy and commitment are more commonplace. On the other hand, when people live within environments that encompass little stress and threats to the viability of offspring, the need for serious and committed relations is lowered, and therefore promiscuity and infidelity are more common.
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